Peace

Peace. Peace be with all of you. I know it sounds weird, but when I was permanently prohibited to post again in bgg I felt peace. Other times when I was being moderated I felt disturbed or uneasy but this time I just felt in peace. At first I was even a bit surprised to my reaction, but at the next day on the Sunday mass I understood the reason of my inner peace. The lecture was John 20:19-31, and on it Jesus repeat it up to on 3 different times: Peace be with you. So same like the disciples on those tought times when they were hiding because the world have been turn upside down, Jesus came and give them peace, He also give peace to me. And I would like to share that gift with all of you, so I sincerely wish peace be with all of you, because a heart in peace is the first step to happiness.

But even when I am at peace, I still feel I could have done better. I shouldnt have commented  on that silly thread about spirit island, and I could still be posting and preaching the word of God in bgg. So this have teach me to avoid useless polemics and to focus in what is really important: The fight for true equalty on all fields of life for lgbt persons, including religion.  In the past I have been a quite polemic person, because to tell the truth my ideas are quite different and also I dont know enough English to express them in a subtle way. Whenever I try to be subtle (for example here https://boardgamegeek.com/thread/2628073/article/37352834#37352834, because I came from another recent sanction and I dont wanted to be moderated twice in so a short space of time) people usually dont understand what I tried to say. I wonder if you people will understand what the penguin and the elephant means, but people on that thread were completely clueless. So I learned from experience that in order to my message to be understood I couldnt be subtle or I risked people dont understanding what I really tried to say. Then maybe I shouldnt write in english, and just made a blog in spanish, where I understand my language enough to made my point across and to be subtle/not too harsh at the same time. But I know of several sites on spanish which talk about the topics I do (lgbt and religion) but almost none in english, so I felt the need to fill that emptiness and to bring that idea to the english world.

And I would like to finish this topic with two ideas: First one is that Im not a victim. I refused to be a victim long time ago, and today is not different. It was through my actions and the posts I made that I were marked as not good enough to post again in bgg. Of course I think I was treated a bit unfairly as every thing I said was nitpicked to be moderated and lots of my post were marked as "derailing" when they were not, but I could have done better. I could have avoid useless polemics, be more criptic or write a better english. In anycase is my fault, and I only feel that If I had done better I could have spread my ideas a few more months in bgg, although sooner or later I was going to be permanently banned, it was just a matter of time. The second one is a reflection to other members of the lgbt community. I understand that lgbt community is diverse by definition, and same as there lgbt people who have religious , others are atheist or even antireligious. But at the end we all want the same. Im fighting for that, lets say in 2051, you can have a trans woman as a catolic priest, for example. Because true equality means true equality on all aspects of life, and as long lgbt people are denied a aspect of life (the religious one) we will not be true equals with cis/het persons. I know it may sound silly to think on transexual or bisexual people as priest, but truth to be told, lots of current priest are gay/lgbt people (in the closet), so why not? We are all childrens of God, and we were born this way, because the rainbow (as the title of my blog say) is the sign of God. We are not less good or more sinner for being lgbt, sexual indentity or orientation have nothing to do with religion. And that is the fight I was starting with this thread. It is a long fight so to be honest I dont expect to win it, I just expect to made the path easier to the people who would came after me, so they will be able to win it, and finally reach true equality for lgbt people. Because if we get equality on religion, then every discriminantion against lgbt people will fall apart. When people understand that the Bible is a very prolgbt book, which hundreds of passages with promote lgbt rights, then most discrimination against lgbt people would end because they will be baseless. So in a way the lgbt fight in the religious field is the fight to end all the fights. And here came my second idea to all the lgbt members who attacked me. What is done is done. What I would like to ask is that next time another lgbt person would like to talk about religion (and would happen sooner or later) you wont opposed her/him/their as fiercely, so that person can keep spreading the message longer and keep the figth for true equality a bit further. No lgbt people wins whenever one of us is silenced, and in a sense the whole bgg community also take a loss when a voice is lost, specially if it is a voice as different as mine. Honestly I dont fight for me, but for the people who will came after me, as this is a very long fight, but we are legion and if my permanent punishment help that other people in the future would face less oposition in bgg, then it would be worthy. Peace be with all of you. 

And as first post I would like to share and comment on this wonderful insight of John 20:19-31 by my friend Antonio

DOUBT

All my life I have been in tune with the most "human" characters —for less perfect and virtuous— of all those who appear in the biblical stories, identifying myself with their reactions and sympathizing with their failures. Not because their stories seemed more witty to me, but rather because they were much more achievable goals for me than others and others with higher and more perfect lives.

I was - and sometimes I still am - Jonah fleeing in fear of God for not fulfilling his mandate, Abraham incredulous unable to admit the possibility of having children, Job irritated accusing God of unjust, Peter denying Jesus, and also Thomas doubting that Jesus would have risen.

All these interpreters of the Bible (and more) have unbelief in common with me. It is not a lack of faith, but no or little trust in God and in what He is building on the basis of small details and great works in me. With all of them I also agree that I had to tear down many walls and win many battles until I was certain of the presence of God in my life.

Escaping the closet, telling my story and letting God pass into my house was like leaving the whale on the shores of Nineveh and deciding to fulfill God's commission, or hearing the rooster for the third time and realizing that He was right.

Jonah, Abraham, Job, Peter, and Thomas were sure that God was close to them. However, each one had some reason not to trust Him or what He was arranging in their lives.

Like theirs, my faith is fireproof, but there were moments in which I did not understand, in which I did not understand anything that God is proposing to me, or I simply do not trust what he is proposing in my life. Because it scares me, because it dislodges me, because it undoes me, because it takes away my comfort and throws me at the risk of Maria when she said "let it be done to me according to your word."

Thomas needed to put his hand in the side of Christ to make sure he was alive. Many times I too have to put my hand into the wound of Jesus to recognize the Risen One in my miseries and poverty, in my insecurities and my fears, in my indecisions and doubts.

Crossing the line between a lack of trust in the Father and a belief abandoned to his will forces me to set foot on the ground, not to believe myself to be better or inferior, and to verify that above my experience of God, my personal history of salvation, my humanity is full of faults and mistakes. This also makes it possible for Jesus to put his hands on me and to proclaim like Thomas: "My Lord and my God!"

Antonio write a lot better than me, and it is so beautifully written that is hard to me to add something. If anything that this text gave me peace, because when things dont go as expected is when doubts can appears, but we are human. We are expected to fail and to rise again. God is always by our side, and we must trust Him. John 13:15-17