Updating my baptism act

Greetings, my name is Victoria, I am a mother of three children and I am also a trans catholic woman. In fact my journey on my transexuality cannot be understood without God, because it was Him who really helped me to overcome my initial fears and accompanied me during all the process, protecting me from harm, giving me strength and not allowing me to become desperate in the worst moments because I knew He was always with me. 

My teenage years and youth were pretty confusing. I knew I was trans, that I was different,  but I was in denial, so I tried to fight against my true nature, I tried to fit, to "be normal", as most teenagers and young people do, even if it went against my own being. I wanted to have kids and I thought being trans wouldnt allow me to. I feared the rejection I would have to face and the possible problems with family and friends and that my work as a high school teacher, which could be also compromised for that. I feared living on the streets for being a trans woman. I feared lots of things so I was on denial and bargaining, just living my reality on the closet but not seeing any way out of it. I didnt understand the plan of God for me, living such a miserable life. As a consequence, depression and then divorce came. And then things started to change. One day I was praying, asking God what to do with my life and I just opened the Bible on Mat 25:14, the talents parable and then I understood what God´s plan was for me. Transexuality was a gift of God, a talent He had given to me to use it and show it. Instead of that I haved feared it and buried it and all my suffering came from that. The final part of the parable dont really talk about hell, but about the closet where people who bury the talents that God have given to them live. I know this too well because I know what the weeping and the gnashing of teeth is, because I was there for too many years. But not any more, thanks to God who saved me.

So finally understanding the plans of God for me, I overcame my fears, accepted my transexuality as a gift and not as curse, and started my transition. And God was with me all along the way, because He gave me everything I could dream and more. I expected lots of problem in my job and I had none. I expected rejection from friends and family and although some misunderstanding were bound to happen, not rejection occurred. And with time, misunderstanding were clarified. I met lots of new people, got involved in some lgbt christian associations, whose existence I had not previously been aware of, and I even found love and a new partner again.

But even if that was not great enough, I feel that my connection and personal relationship with Jesus have improved and tighten a lot during the last few years, making me a reborn person, a more compassive, more caring, more intuitive one, and all that have been possible thanks to Him and His love that wrapped me and changed me for the better. Coming out did not put me far away of God. It brought me closer to Him instead by improving our relationship, and making me a better person. Therefore, how can that be a bad thing, wrong or even a sin?

I still sometimes feel like a lost sheep, because Catholic Church have a mixed reaction with people like me. Some priests have been pretty hepful and I have felt like an acceptated, loved and cared church member with them, but others have been accusative, have denied me sacraments, communion or confession, and then I have felt clearly rejected. And it was truly a 50% thing. Transexuality could be just the way God had made me and it bear not importance at all or it was the biggest sin of all and everything else was insignificant as long I were trans. You never know how a new priest will react. Sometimes you get accepted in the community, you even do Christianity courses and other activities, that not every member does, and then a new priests appears and everything suddenly changes, for the worse. It was a bit crazy and pretty discouraging, but my faith has kept me inside the church even when facing the harshest dismissal, because I know God is with me, that our relationship is true, and that it is all that matters, even if the others cannot understand it. But for sure the situation take its toll, and had I not felt God´s presence inside me, I would have been also driven away from the Catholic Church as many lgtb people before me.

And not only I have persisted inside it, but God has given me a grace that I want to share with all of you, because you can also have it, the same as me. I was given the idea of updating my baptism act, putting my legal name on it, instead of my birth name. It was a bit silly at the start, because of course God knows me completely and He knew what my real name was, my legal name not my birth name. However, the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea to update my baptism act, maybe even with a new ceremony. I asked a bit around and baptism cant be redone, because is a one and done thing, once baptized you are baptized for all your life. Even excommunion cannot change that, but there was indeed a procedure to change the name on the baptism act. It can be done when it is different from the legal name of the baptized baby. It is usually done in corner cases when the father is not known, and he later appears or recognizes the children so the children´s last name change, and situations like that, in order to allow to update the baptism act to reflect the real name of the baptized person. And I, as a trans woman, could use that procedure to ask to update my baptism act to reflect my real name, my legal name, instead of my birth name. And you can do it too, if you are also transgender and you want to update your baptism act.

What you have to do is to go to the church where you were baptized and ask for your baptism act to updated it. They will provide you a copy of your original baptism act but you will need a special authorisation from your bishop to change it. That is the reason why you need to go to your archbishop office and fill a form asking permission to update your baptismal act providing a copy of it and documents with your new legal name. I encourage you to explain in the request why doing it is important to you, because it will show that this is not just a burecratic thing, but a very important one, even sacred, for you. I do believe it helped in my request, since after waiting a couple of weeks, the archbishop´s secretary granted me permission. Then I took that permission to the church where I was baptized and they updated my baptism act. The overall procedure took not too long, less than a couple of months, and it was not too expensive either, (less than 50 euros (like 50$) in total). I honestly recommend any trans person who wants to update their baptism act to try it. Of course the bishop might not grant permission, but you never know if you do not ask, and as I said before, things in Catholic church with lgbt peple are really a 50% thing, so the chances are not so low.

However, I have to say that when I first received my updated baptism act I was quite dissapointed. I hoped my birth name to be erased and only my legal name would appear on the document, but what happened was that my birth name was still up and front on my baptism act, and my legal name appeared only in small font as a marginal note and it read "According to document xxxx this person has changed their name to Victoria in the civil registry records"

Honestly, I was hoping for a lot more than that. However, a couple of weeks later, I realized that this baptism act with both names was in fact a true grace, a better gift than what I was initially looking for. I remembered that God does not give us what we ask but what we need. What that baptism act implies for me is that I am a full baptized, confirmed and even married member of the Catholic Church. Thanks to this document I have been officially accepted inside the Catholic Church as a trans person, as somebody who has changed their name. That I am baptized, that I changed my name and that I am still a full member of the Church. And that is certainly a God´s grace, because I will never feel rejection again when a priest attacks me for being trans, because I know being trans is just what I am, what my baptism act says that I am, since this is the type of baptized Christian I am, and as St Catherine of Siena said, "Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire". 

This is who I am, and I am very proud of it, and of having my baptism act which recognizes me as I am. And if you are also transgender and you feel part of the Catholic Church, I encourage you to do the same.